Noah, Get the Boat
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Jason Murphy is a novelist, screenwriter, and content creator. His name is a killing word.
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Noah’s Ark: The Deadliest Movie Set Ever?
There’s a horrible energy present on most movie sets I’ve been on. It’s often a pressure cooker that mixes massive egos with underpaid minions and brutal deadlines. Things start moving quickly. People lose their damned minds.
Sometimes things get weird, like when the clam chowder on the set of Titanic got spiked with PCP. There have, of course, been far less ‘wacky’ hijinks. If you’ve followed the news over the past few years, you know that on occasion, mistakes are made. Things get out of hand. People die. Remind me to tell you about The Conqueror …
The Noah's Ark movie, directed by Michael Curtiz (Casablanca), aimed to portray the catastrophic flood described in the Book of Genesis. The first major challenge faced by the production team was the construction of a colossal ark replica. To achieve authenticity, the filmmakers built a massive wooden structure, measuring over 100 feet in length and four stories tall. The ark's enormous size posed a significant threat to the crew, as working on elevated platforms without modern safety measures was perilous.
One of the most notorious scenes involved a massive wave crashing onto the ark. To create this, a 60,000-gallon water tank was used, unleashing an enormous wall of water towards the actors. Have you ever been taken out by a wave? A few minutes in the Santa Monica surf was enough to let me know that nature will kick your ass.
Three extras drowned, one was so badly injured that his leg needed to be amputated, and a number suffered broken limbs and other serious injuries, which led to implementation of stunt safety regulations the following year. Thirty-five ambulances attended the wounded.
So … support the WGA/SAG-AFTRA strike!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noah%27s_Ark_(1928_film)
The story here is one as old as the building of the pyramids - normal people being tossed into the meat grinder so some rich guys can make something cool. As a writer, I’m trying to get into the headspace of one of these extras. Did they know the water was coming? Did they know that much water was coming? There’s a strange sort of dread that builds when you’re a part of a massive endeavor like that. You’re part of something bigger. You don’t feel like you can influence the direction or actions of a beast like a corporation, a mob, or a movie. You see what’s happening, but so many people just shut up and go along with it. They need the money. They need the job. They don’t want to rock the boat. That dualism - the fear for your own safety vs the need for a paycheck? That’s pretty powerful.
Indian Army and the Yeti
In April 2019, news broke that an Indian Army Mountaineering Expedition team had stumbled upon some footprints resembling those of a yeti near the Makalu Base Camp in the Eastern Himalayas. The Mountaineering Expedition, comprising experienced climbers and trained mountaineers, claimed to have come across these footprints measuring approximately 32 inches in length. So of course … yeti. /s
The yeti, often referred to as the "Abominable Snowman," holds a significant place in the folklore and mythology of the Himalayan region. Stories of a large, ape-like creature inhabiting the mountains have been part of local traditions for centuries. These tales have been passed down through generations, and many communities consider the yeti to be an important spiritual and mystical being.
As news of the Indian Army's yeti encounter spread, experts and skeptics alike sought to analyze the evidence critically. Many Most scientists and researchers argue that the footprints could be the result of natural phenomena, such as weathering or the imprint of a known animal's foot. They question the lack of substantial physical evidence, such as hair or DNA samples, which could conclusively link the footprints to an unknown creature. Additionally, they point out that no direct sighting or conclusive proof of a yeti's existence has been established thus far.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-48101717
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/30/world/asia/yeti-footprints-indian-army.html
I love blurry Sasquatch photos. I love Sasquatch videos and the breathless and dire stories told by people who encounter them in the wild. And my God, have you gone down the YouTube/Sasquatch rabbit hole? It goes deep. Strangely, only a small fraction of those are of Bigfoot’s frosty cousin, the Yeti. Sure, there are plenty of movies. Yetis like to eat Jedi and hang out with dentists!
But I don’t think we’ve had a quintessential ‘Squatch movie, Yeti or otherwise. What would that look like? The “monster hunting people” formula is pretty well trod. Do you have any idea how many Bigfoot movies there are?? In spite of tons of schlocky films, none of them have really hit the nail on the head for me. I’d love to see (or write) a story of someone destroying their life in pursuit of the truth. Make the character a good person who is so obsessed with discovering the truth that everything they touch is ruined. Zodiac, but with a Yeti?
**My wife/editor would like me to add that Harry and the Hendersons qualifies as a bigfoot movie, and it is a beautiful movie, and she loves it.
Let’s Bring Back Death Masks!
Since the Middle Ages, if you wanted to really remember what someone looked like, you couldn’t just take a photo. Maybe you could pay some fancy pants artist to paint a portrait, but I don’t know how long painting a portrait takes and if your subject is dead that could get real unpleasant. In order to preserve someone’s likeness, Europeans made death masks. Later on, in the 17th century, artists would craft the mask by coating the person’s face with wax or clay and leaving it to set. Into this cast they poured plaster or bronze.
These preserved faces were often used as models in the 16th century, allowing artisans to carve a relief of the person on their tomb. Death masks were popular with the Ancient Egyptians and Romans, and carried on until the 19th century, but the advent of photography made them obsolete.
While death masks were often made from the faces of nobility and later, the faces of leaders of state and scientists, phrenologists tried to use them to peddle their horseshit of predicting criminal behavior by studying a person’s features. To accomplish this, they used the faces of victims hanged for a crime.
The most famous death mask ever may be the Inconnue de la Seine (Unknown Woman of the Seine). It was based on the body of a dead woman pulled from the Seine river in Paris. She was put on display in the mortuary in hopes that someone would come and claim her. However, the pathologist kind of … well … he fell in love with the dead girl. She was so beautiful, he became fixated and commissioned a death mask of her.
You’ve seen the face before. You may have even kissed the lips of the Unknown Woman of the Seine. That death mask was the model for Rescusci-Anne, the CPR-doll used in first aid training.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/travel/article/madame-tussaud-wax-figures-beheaded-politcians
https://www.grunge.com/240887/the-crazy-true-history-of-death-masks/
How is it that something meant to preserve, something meant to remind you of a person, can be so damned creepy? Even without the figurative shroud of death, the masks are just unsettling to look at. Maybe all masks are. Almost everything is there to make it a face, but it’s missing all of the things that make it a person.
I can see some 90s-era serial killer movie where the killer is some maladjusted college professor who makes death masks of coeds before he adds them to his collection.
But of course, I’m a nerd and you probably are, too. The first thing I thought of were the Faceless Men from Game of Thrones:
Yellowstone Zone of Death
Okay. Let me see if I can explain this succinctly (and get it right)!
There’s an area in Yellowstone National Park where you can murder someone and get away with it. As I understand it, it works like this:
The US District Court for Wyoming has jurisdiction over multiple states - Wyoming, Idaho, and Montana. This is because the Wyoming court extends throughout all of Yellowstone, which includes parts of Idaho and Montana. To complicate matters, the federal government has “exclusive jurisdiction” over the park, so no crimes committed in the park can even be prosecuted under states’ laws.
So you have a federal criminal case, but the sixth amendment of the US Constitution states that federal juries must be made up of citizens who are from the district and the state where the crime was committed. Ergo, if a murder was committed in the Idaho region of the park, the jury would need to be comprised of residents of the district and the state.
But that part of the park is uninhabited! Based on the makeup of this region and the specifics of the laws, they wouldn’t be able to empanel a jury. No jury, means no constitutional trial. No trial means they get away with murder.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zone_of_Death_(Yellowstone)
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/zone-of-death-yellowstone/
I know this was used in the Yellowstone tv show, but I call bullshit. I’ve spoken with some people who swear that this is a real and legitimate thing. It’s not. It’s a thought exercise. No one has ever tried this legal snafu, but if there was a murder committed, you can be damn sure the government would find a way to prosecute. Don’t be silly.
That said, what an interesting device for a story! Can you think of any other legally specious loopholes on the books? I know there are a ton. In South Carolina, a dance hall can’t be built within a quarter mile of a cemetery or rural church. In 1996, Southington, Connecticut, banned Silly String! Maybe we should put our heads together and find some other cool loopholes, to get free tacos, or something that says your Uber driver is required to kill for you. Just spitballing.
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Even More Strange and Dangerous!
Thanks for reading our online newsletter! Here’s just a bit of our favorite things we’ve found lately.
People have opinions about ancient lizard people! Who knew?
@rayfromnewyork had some great historical context to add to the video:
Would you take the Limitless drug? I’m watching the ill-fated TV show from 2015 right now. It’s quite likeable! In spite of them telling us about all of the horrible side-effects of NZT, I would take it without question. Give it to me. I need to be productive. If I can take a pill and write a novel in a weekend? Yes, please. No questions asked.
Things are heating up on the ‘aliens among us’ front.
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) is throwing his weight behind this and said, ““the American public has a right to learn about technologies of unknown origins, non-human intelligence, and unexplainable phenomena.”
So I’ll be glued to the news on July 26th. I’m expecting smoke, mirrors, denials, and confusion. Who knows what the truth is? But damn, the search for it is so compelling.
Where the hell is that blue mask from? I know I've seen it before but I can't place it. Google reverse image search turns up nothing. Anyone?